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12 September 2010 @ 04:01 am
I come with a fic  
Title: Tiny Dancer
Rating: R - NC17
Pairing: Sakumiya
Summary: It’s been a year since Ninomiya was given the news that he had cancer.
Disclaimer: None of this happened, is happening, or will happen. This is all fake.
A/N: Some events mentioned are based on a personal experience. Inspired by the song Danse Russe by Hurt.

the melody lingers on

Hold on to me please. Don’t you let go of me.
Come on over, roll on over. I just need to feel you breathe.

It’s been a year since Ninomiya was given the news that he had cancer.

He had gone to the hospital by himself when he woke up in the middle of the night because of the back pains he was suffering. At first he attributed the pain to his dancing, then to his action scenes from filming GANTZ, but even then they felt worst than normal. It wasn’t until he literally woke up screaming did he call for an ambulance. He had gotten all the tests done only to receive news that he had a tumor in him.

The room fell silent even though he could clearly see the doctor moving his lips. All he heard was his own heart beating, his blood pumping in his veins; ‘I have cancer’.

“Ninomiya-san? Can you hear me?” the doctor asked, waving his hand in front of his eyes. ‘I have cancer?’ “Can you hear me, sir?”

Nino closed his eyes and let out a cry of despair wishing anyone but the nurses restraining him was with him right now. He kept crying, pleading to the nurses, the doctor, God to spare him. They gave him a shot to calm him down, giving him the looks of pity he’ll have to receive from everyone else. “Don’t look at me like that,” was the last thing he said before succumbing to darkness.

And I can't help but wonder why that some days are the very worst case
When I cannot believe that I'm living this way.
Kismet tell me it's OK and I'll guess it's just a twist of the fate.

Nino remembers how he thought everything he owned was worthless. His apartment, his games, his money, his group; even his love. From that day on he saw everything in a new light. The sun that was shining would soon become a nuisance to his body, the sounds of voices and noise would frighten and startle him, the four men he’s grown so close to will find him to be a burden, and his lover…his lover will no longer want to be with a cancer patient.

The doctor told him that he shouldn’t wait no longer than a seven days to tell those around him of his condition nor should he wait any longer to get the surgery. They say the process would be difficult, but it was the recovery that would take a toll on him. A toll that will be a hundred percent worth it.

He called the guys four days after being diagnosed, telling them he had important news to give them. He didn’t want to word it this way, but if he was to say ‘I have something to tell you’, it would make them worried. At 10AM he got a knock on his door indicating their arrival. Nino placed the plate of food on the table carefully before answering it.

“Hi,” Aiba smiled brightly. Had he not had this thing inside of him, Nino would’ve given him a big smile back. Instead he nodded his head and let the man in. Ohno came in three minutes later, then Sho and Matsumoto.

“So what was the important news you wanted to tell us?” Sho asked, taking heed to the large amount of food in the room.

The gamer bit his lip and stared at his hands wondering why this was harder to say to them than to his family. He got up and stood in front of them, staring at each of their faces before exhaling heavily.

“Have you guys seen the movie The Fountain?” Nino asked slowly. Their eyebrows simultaneously furrowed in confusion, not understanding what he was going on about. “It’s very beautiful; visually.”

“What are you talking about?” Matsumoto asked. They would’ve laughed or smiled at the question, had Nino not looked so serious.

“The main character is trying to find a cure for his wife’s illness,” Nino continued, ignoring the question. Sighing, he scratched his head and mustered up the courage to tell them. He remained silent for nearly two minutes before speaking again. “I have cancer,” his voice cracked. The quiet in the room was eating at him as he felt their eyes on him. ‘Don’t look at me like that,’ he thought sorrowfully.

“Wha-What do you mean?” Sho asked after a long silence. He was blinking rapidly to stop his tears from forming.

“I mean that I have a tumor inside me that the doctors say they can operate on. Though there is the 50/50 chance of me not surviving it.” Nino wiped his eyes and covered his face.

“When did you get the diagnosis?” Jun asked calmly despite the tears racing down his cheeks.

“Four days ago,” Nino whispered. He could feel their eyes on him again, which made him break down. Ohno was the first one to rush over to him and held him tightly.

“Are you going to do it?” Ohno asked rubbing his back. The thin man nodded tightening his arms around his leader. “I’ll tell him if you can’t do it yourself.”

“I think I should do it myself, but thank you.” Nino pulled back from the hug and wiped his eyes. “Eat everyone please,” he said before getting up and going to the kitchen. He stood in front of the sink and covered his face as he continued to cry silently. It was then did a pair of arms wrap around his neck.

“Why didn’t you tell me sooner?” Sho asked tearfully.

“I couldn’t. It’s too hard to tell the man that you love that you have something killing you from the inside.” Nino whimpered, placing his hand on the man’s forearms. “I’m so scared.”

Sho turned the gamer around and placed an innocent kiss on his lips. It wasn’t much of a response, but it was ok for Nino.

When my emotions are wounded
Her motions and movements chase the ghosts from me

The day before the surgery Sho slept over his place, making sure he got everything needed. Nino wanted to go about his day not thinking about it, but the rapper surprisingly isn’t able to read the air as well as people think.

“Do you think I should pack more?” Sho asked holding the stuffed duffle bag. Nino looked at him with shocked eyes before pausing the game and laughing softly.

“Baby I’ll be barely functional after the surgery, so I don’t think you need anything except transportation money.”

Sho bit his lip and nodded; a frown coming across his face. Nino knew that look, it was the look he received from the nurses. “How can you be so calm?”

“Because I’ve made up my mind to save my tears for later. I don’t want to think about it Sho-chan. I don’t want this dark cloud over my head like it was when I found out. Please help me make something I can be wishful for after my recovery. Give me good memory Sho-chan.” Nino said softly as he got closer to the older man.

Sho leaned in and kissed the small lips tenderly. He moved slowly and handled him delicately as if he was afraid he was going to break him.

Their clothes were already in heaps on the floor and their bodies were pressed together. Sho was above Nino, looking down at the already frail body beneath him. Quickly he wiped his eyes and kissed the pale neck. The gamer gasped and reached in between them to touch his lover.

“Sho…just do me already.”


“I’m not made of glass. It’s okay.” Nino reached for the lube on the bedside table and poured some on Sho’s member before slipping it passed his cheeks. The rapper let out a small noise and fisted the pillow underneath Nino’s head. Their pace was slow, even though the younger man wanted more.

Sho leaned forward and kissed him; their tongues moving against each other, mimicking what their lower halves were doing. Nino cried out in pleasure when Sho switched angles and thrust faster. The older man moved back so he was on his knees and placed one hand on the flat stomach.

His mind was fighting the sad thoughts that he was trying to suppress as he began to fuck his lover, no longer moving softly against him. “Ah…Sho,” Nino whimpered. The man bit his lip and closed his eyes tightly to listen to their skin slapping rapidly against each other.

Nino’s legs were held up straight as Sho continued moving faster and harder, his pain increasing in his chest. The gamer placed a hand on his lover’s hip to tell him to go softer, but the signal was lost when Sho went faster. Crying out, Nino grabbed roughly at the man’s skin. Sho finally stopped, his breathing heavy, and his eyes closed.

“Sho-kun?” Nino asked in a small voice. He felt Sho going limp inside him and he knew what was wrong. He shouldn’t have made the request, he forgot how stupidly willing the man gets when it comes to Arashi, especially with him. “I’m sorry baby.” Nino whispered tearfully and placed his small hands on Sho’s cheeks.

“I can’t give you a good memory,” Sho cried. He dropped the thin legs and pulled out of him, but remained where he was.

“Yes you did. You gave me a great one.” Nino said as he pulled him in for a hug. “You gave me a great one,” he repeated, rubbing his back. Sho cried into the crook of his neck while Nino comforted him. ‘I will not cry. Not yet’, he thought to himself as he rubbed the pads of his fingertips on the back of his lover’s head.

Quietly while you sleep; whispering the sweetest things.
Close those eyes and start the dream, ‘cause all of this is what you mean to me

The day of the operation all the members, his family, and friends showed up for support. Sho was with Nino in the room until he would be told to leave so they could take him to the operating room. The gamer was sitting in the hospital gown, praying that everything will go okay.

“Babe?” Nino said softly to Sho who was sitting next to him.


“I’ll be okay,” he said taking his hand in his. “Right?”

Sho nodded and tightened his grip on the small hand. A few minutes later they came in and laid Nino on the bed. The older man got up and held his hand the whole way through, until he wasn’t permitted to pass anymore. Sho covered his mouth and held back his tears. After composing himself, he went to the waiting room where everyone was at.

Even with the huge amount of people in there, it was dead silent.

It was a 6 hour operation and during that time Johnny himself came in to speak with them. He was not aware of Sho’s intimate relationship with the man, but he could tell that he was suffering harder or just as much as Nino’s family. Eventually, during that long amount of time, people started talking, but Sho remained quiet. He didn’t want to think of anything else except his small prayer that he’s been saying over and over in his head.

When 7 hours had passed, they finally heard the call that the family of Ninomiya Kazunari could go up to ICU. They waited for about thirty minutes before getting the cue to enter the room. Sho walked to Nino’s room, along with his family, and watched silently as the thin man slept. His eyes were taped shut, his hands were bound, and his body jerked with every breath he took. They were told it was cause his body was trying to get used to the tube down his throat, but it still looked horrifying to them.

They said small words to him, knowing that he could hear them in his sleep before leaving. Once Sho left the room, he went to the bathroom and cried again.

Days following Nino’s recovery was indeed harsh, much like they were told. But none of them expected it to be so heartbreaking. Sho decided never to cry in front of Nino or anyone else for that matter, until Nino was okay completely.

Though it took months and months of hospital visits and Nino’s tears of regret, he was finally going to be okay. There had been many complications when the gamer was on chemo. From his nearly allergic reaction to the pills, to the on and off again fever he was getting, and more importantly his relationship strain with Sho.

The older man constantly had to deal with Nino telling him he was useless and that he should drop him off to his parents, but Sho didn’t pay any attention to him. Sho knew it was because of his condition he was talking this way.

“Sho…” Nino’s small voice whispered in the darkness of his bedroom.


“Do you still love me? Even though I’m like this?” Nino asked, running his hand down the surgical scar he had on his stomach. “Even though I have this on me, do you still like me?”

“Of course, nothing would make me hate you or be disgusted by you,” Sho said giving the thin shoulder a kiss. “I love you, Kazu.”

Nino slowly turned around and kissed him. He knew he was asking a silly question, but he needed to hear that answer. He wanted to affirm his belief that Sho loved him dearly like he does. They tried again that night to make love and this time it went perfectly.

Won't you reach up and touch my shoulder and sing to me heavenly
Yes, sing for the life of me

It’s been a year since Ninomiya was given the news that he had cancer.

Today was the day he was going to get his stitches out and was going to be off chemo. From his last tests, they said that all traces of the tumor was gone and that he should be back to normal with some exercise and proper dieting of course.

Sho smiled at Nino in the mirror of his bathroom and ran his hand along the raised skin lovingly. Nino shivered and looked back at him. “I’m like Frankenstein,” the gamer joked.

“My little monster,” Sho chuckled. Nino turned around and wrapped his arms around his boyfriend’s neck. It’s been a long year and he constantly told himself that one day everything would go back to normal. And finally that day came; finally he can shed his tears in front of him. “I love you,” the rapper whispered tearfully.

“Me too,” Nino sniffled. They laughed softly together before kissing each other tenderly. They went into the bedroom while removing their clothes. Nino pushed Sho onto the mattress and kissed down his neck, sucking on the skin along the way. He rubbed the older man’s erection while he sucked on his nipple, causing him to arch his back off the bed.

“Ah…” Sho gasped, gripping the sheets. Nino’s other hand reached for the lube and condoms in the drawer as he rubbed both of their erections together.

When he managed to pull away from the older man long enough to apply the condom and lube on him, Nino guided his lover into him and set a steady pace. Their eyes met as their hands found each other. The younger man whimpered with each thrust, closing his eyes to take in the pleasure. “Sho, come for me,” he moaned.

The rapper released his hands and held onto his hips. He thrust up faster, trying to reach his orgasm. Nino moaned loudly and fell forward so he was resting his head on Sho’s shoulder. The gamer was now letting out small cries as he felt the member hit his prostate repeatedly; his stomach tightened indicating his release.

“Sho, I’m close.”

“Go ahead,” the man said sucking the juncture between his neck and shoulder. Nino let out a gasping cry as his let his seed spill in between his and Sho’s pelvis. The older idol released soon after and claimed Nino’s lips.

They pulled apart slowly and stared at each other. Nino smiled at him sleepily to which Sho returned. He moved closer and rest his head on his shoulder. The older man removed the condom and threw it away before repositioning themselves so that Nino was snugged in his arms. “I love you,” he heard the thinner man say against his chest.

Sho smiled and kissed the top of his head. “Me too, baby.”

‘Cause there's a tiny dancer in my bed and she never has too much to say.
She reminds me of the Danse' Russe when my emotions are wounded
Her motions and movements ...

Won't you chase my ghost from me…

Current Mood: tiredtired
Current Music: Danse Russe - Hurt
Riabitsy_chan on September 12th, 2010 10:36 am (UTC)
Ria: ShoNeen - Take a glancebitsy_chan on September 12th, 2010 11:02 am (UTC)
Beautiful. ;______________;

Gahh, the angst at first. :x I felt really bad for both of them, at first, since their relationship will be shattered if Nino didn't survive the surgery and Sho would be lost because he was gone.
THANK GOODNESS, it went well.
In the end, their love is still true. :) ♥ D'awwww. ;++++++;

Thank you for this! :) ♥
(no subject) - cry1baby on September 12th, 2010 03:04 pm (UTC) (Expand)
50 past 12: ニノ50past12 on September 12th, 2010 11:23 am (UTC)
It was so beautiful (i___i) even that I almost cried reading the beginning, I really liked it! I'm relieved that everything went alright in the end. I would probably cry my eyes out if you have wrote it in a different way XD

Thank you so much for sharing this! And I think this fic quest is sooo awesome <3
cry1babycry1baby on September 12th, 2010 03:01 pm (UTC)
thanks hun~ lol well i couldnt write horrible ending since i was using personal information [i'd be too sad to write that lol]

thanks for reading. and yes it is, i plan on doing another one

dazehyde: Sho-niidazehyde on September 12th, 2010 11:38 am (UTC)
This is so beautiful~
Their love so beautiful~
I really love Sho for being there for Nino~

Thanx for writing and sharing dear~ *hugs*
cry1babycry1baby on September 12th, 2010 02:59 pm (UTC)
thank you

thanks for reading *hugs back*

bob lemon: Sakumiyaboblemon on September 12th, 2010 12:51 pm (UTC)
Wow, so sad, but everything turned out okay in the end.
cry1babycry1baby on September 12th, 2010 02:58 pm (UTC)
mm ^^

thanks for reading

Moriah: Arashi- Sakumiya Closeall4cyanide on September 12th, 2010 01:41 pm (UTC)
YOU WROTE SAKUMIYA! ILU! The fic was beautiful and the song fit it perfectly. I even cried a bit, but I think it's b/c Aerosmith's "Don't Wanna Miss a Thing" popped up on my playlist in the middle of this thing. XD You're amazing.
cry1babycry1baby on September 12th, 2010 02:57 pm (UTC)
haha yes i did

thanks ^^ and lol another song kept popping up in my head while writing this too XD

aww thanks hun~

agnes_yunita: ninoagnes_yunita on September 12th, 2010 02:03 pm (UTC)
Love it how the way u put it into words.....it's very deep
thank u
cry1babycry1baby on September 12th, 2010 02:55 pm (UTC)
thank you ^^

and thanks for reading

ann0510ann0510 on September 12th, 2010 03:42 pm (UTC)
this was beautiful but quite heartbreaking...
i'm glad for the happy ending :D
cry1babycry1baby on September 12th, 2010 04:01 pm (UTC)
mm, yeah it is, but yes luckily there was a happy ending ^^

thanks for reading

momokan69momokan69 on September 12th, 2010 03:44 pm (UTC)
It's,, beautiful,,
The angst makes my heart ache at first, but glad that everything went well in the end,,
And Sho always there beside Nino,, still love him no matter what,,
Love it,,! Thanks for sharing! (^ ^)
cry1babycry1baby on September 12th, 2010 04:00 pm (UTC)
thank you~

and thanks for reading

Talilivelovespeak37 on September 12th, 2010 04:12 pm (UTC)
;_____; nino

awesome story bb <3
cry1babycry1baby on September 12th, 2010 04:17 pm (UTC)
lol but he's fine now

thanks hun~

god damn these electric sex pantsnicefinalbeam on September 12th, 2010 04:30 pm (UTC)
I think you handled the subject matter really well. Sho and Nino's relationship through this was so sweet and strong. I'm glad it had a hopeful ending. :)

Adding to the list!
cry1babycry1baby on September 12th, 2010 04:42 pm (UTC)
Thank you very much ^^

okies, thanks once again

milla_kunmilla_kun on September 12th, 2010 05:41 pm (UTC)
the angst at the beggining, was more than beautiful.
i'm still crying.. even do it was a happy ending, i'm still crying.
i cant imagine nino having cancer, sho trying hard to not cry infront of him, so heartbreaking.. omg
i have always known, you were an amazing writter.. this just proves that fact even more..
thanks for this chie<3 beautiful, lovely, sad and heartwarming at the end<3

gonna read it again, right now♥
milla_kunmilla_kun on September 12th, 2010 05:43 pm (UTC)
correction* thanks for this crybaby*
(no subject) - cry1baby on September 12th, 2010 05:50 pm (UTC) (Expand)
Jaja Emiko Rizajaja_emiko on September 12th, 2010 07:01 pm (UTC)
At least nino survived after all that! Yeay!! Happy ending is love!
cry1babycry1baby on September 12th, 2010 07:45 pm (UTC)
haha mm

thanks for reading

Alexxa Sickalexxasick on September 12th, 2010 08:25 pm (UTC)
Everything you write is always so nice~
cry1babycry1baby on September 12th, 2010 08:56 pm (UTC)
thanks bb~

Nijiitsumo_niji on September 12th, 2010 11:27 pm (UTC)
you were killing me at first...but the end...
its just beautiful...
thank yoOOou <3
cry1babycry1baby on September 13th, 2010 07:45 pm (UTC)
haha thanks hun~

yamashoyamasho on September 13th, 2010 01:21 pm (UTC)
people usually realise important thing when they sick ne
i hope all of them will be healthy
cry1babycry1baby on September 13th, 2010 07:47 pm (UTC)

and yes this is so true. u never realize how much something or someone means to you until you lose it