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22 May 2011 @ 11:44 pm
It's been too long >.  
Title: You’re Alright [1/3]
Pairing: Juntoshi, Junba [friendship]
Rating: R
Summary: I saw patients lining up in front of a window as they received their daily pills. I thought what I was seeing only happened in insane asylums…I guess not.
Disclaimer: I am not nor do I know any of the mentioned characters. This never happened; it is only a work of fiction.
A/N: Inspired by the song “Simon” by Lifehouse.
A/N 2: This is a darkfic, it deals with abuse but doesn't describe it much. If you're uncomfortable with that then don't read.

We walked down the long white corridors in silence or at least it was quiet to me. I watched the nurses moving from room to room making their rounds. I saw patients lining up in front of a window as they received their daily pills. I thought what I was seeing only happened in insane asylums…I guess not.

“This will be your room,” the nurse said with a gentle smile. The minute he said that, all sounds came bustling through my ears, as if I had taken out earplugs. I bowed my head and entered the room, noticing a man staring out the window.

“I thought we get our own rooms?” I asked, not really angry I got a roommate, but more confused.

“That’s only for our extreme cases,” he said with a grave voice. I nodded and turned back to my roommate who was now looking back at us. “This is Aiba Masaki. He was admitted here six weeks ago.”

I bowed at him and he returned the gesture with a bright smile. Had I not seen the bandaged wrists I’d assume he was in the wrong place.

“Aiba-kun, this is Matsumoto Jun. Make him feel at home.”

With those words said, the nurse left and Aiba and I stared at each other. I gave him another nervous smile before unpacking my things. I could feel the man’s eyes on me the whole time, but I didn’t know what to say. I had never been the type to just talk to a person freely, especially given our location.

“So were you admitted here or did you come on your own?” Aiba asked as he sat on his bed.

“Admitted, you?”

“I came on my own,” he sighed. My eyes drifted down to his bandages before looking back at his face. “You can ask,” Aiba smirked. “I’ve got nothing to hide since we’re all here for almost the same reason.”

I simply nodded, but didn’t ask. I felt like there was no reason to ask why he was here when it’s so apparent. The only thing left to ask is why he did it, but I felt it was too early to know that. However unlike him, I did have something to hide; I didn’t want to talk about why I was here.

“So where are you from?” Aiba asked after realizing I wasn’t going to question him.

“Tokyo, you?”

“Chiba,” he smiled happily. His whole face lit up when he said this. Against my own will a smile came across my face. “Ah, you have an adorable face when you smile,” he said before going off to the bathroom. I stared down at my lap and closed my eyes, trying to control my thoughts.

He doesn’t mean anything by it, he doesn’t mean anything by it…

******


Aiba and I had gotten closer than I’d expect. There was something about him that would literally turn your frown upside down. Even if you aren’t talking, just looking at him would somehow make you laugh or smile. He was giving me another tour of the place seeming how I completely tuned out the first time. I realized we didn’t walk down one corridor, something I did take notice during the first tour.

“What’s over there?”

Aiba followed where my hand was pointing and his smile soon disappeared. “Remember when the nurse said there were rooms reserved for people with the extreme cases?” I nodded. “Well that’s where they are.”

I stared down the corridor with a slight frown. Even though it was in the same hospital, it somehow felt lonely and empty down there. All doors were shut and it seemed eerily quiet in that section. Aiba grabbed my wrist to get my attention, but I ripped it away from his grasp in fear. He stared at me with wide eyes before apologizing.

“Sorry, I didn’t know.”

I shook my head and apologized right back before returning to our room. The rest of the day was awkward after that, which bothered the hell out of me.

******


It was the next morning when was I woken up by Aiba who shook my bed. I groaned and put my slippers on before following where he was leading me. It was the dining hall, which caused me to groan again. “I’m not hungry yet,” I whined.

“They don’t want us to take the pills on an empty stomach,” Aiba said grabbing a muffin and some milk. Sighing I grabbed a bagel and water. We could’ve lined up for a more hearty breakfast, but Aiba mentioned it’s best to have something quick and easy. As we ate our food, I noticed someone I hadn’t seen yesterday.

He was small and fragile looking. His hair was a disheveled mess, his bangs covering his eyes. I watched as he silently dragged his feet to grab a small fruit bowl before disappearing down the hall to the ‘pills’ window. When Aiba followed my line of sight, he told me he belonged to the extreme cases.

“I don’t know what happened to him, but the first time I saw him he was screaming and crying as he got taken away by the nurses,” Aiba told me. I nodded, keeping my eyes on the man as he downed his pills and went back to his room.

Throughout the day I was curious about the frail man I had seen earlier that day. I don’t know why but it became somewhat of a mission for me to get to know him.

A few hours after taking our pills and eating, we had our daily exercises, which made me feel like I was in gym class again. Aiba and I helped each other with the stretching, laughing a few times as we noticed a stiff patient. He looked back at us with blush on his cheeks before Aiba went off to help him. I smiled and did a few arm windmills before noticing the man from this morning sitting off in the far corner of the room.

He wasn’t stretching like we were, but was sketching in a notebook. When he noticed I was approaching him, he closed the book and kept his head down. I crouched in front of him and extended my hand. “Hi, I’m Matsumoto.”

“Ohno,” he mumbled without shaking my hand or even looking my way. I was taken aback as I thought I was going to have to pull teeth to get him to talk. I mean we weren’t bustling with conversation like I had with Aiba on my first day, but I really didn’t expect to get his name.

“Ohno-kun? -san? Which?” I asked looking at his bitten down fingernails.

“It doesn’t matter.”

“Hmm…” I felt so damn awkward. “Um, did you stretch?” I asked and immediately I wanted to throw my head in water. ‘That has got to be the single most dumbest thing you’ve ever said,’ I scolded myself. Ohno shook his head ‘no’, which was a fucking huge duh. “Um…” I said looking up into a distance, but in my peripheral I could see he wasn’t staring at his lap anymore. Slowly I turned my head and faced him.

His eyes were cold and distant, practically dead. His face looked pained and I immediately knew he had been through something I wouldn’t be able to up and ask so easily.

“Matsumoto-san,” he said in a small voice.

“Mm?”

“Stop staring at me,” he said before getting up and walking away. I never got the chance to apologize.

******


We were off to do whatever we wanted for a while before we had group therapy. I was dreading this cause I knew what it would be like. People forced to say what or who fucked them up so badly that they had to come here. People speaking collectively like robots as they greet the newcomer, the newcomer defiant until forced into submission, someone has a mental breakdown… it’s just people finding out just how fucked up they are.

I sighed and took off my hat to run my fingers through my hair. It felt weird cause they wouldn’t let me have my styling gel so it just laid flat on my head. Luckily I brought my favorite beanie to cover it up. Aiba was off talking to his family, or who I thought was his family, on the payphone and basically left me with nothing to do. When I turned around I saw Ohno sitting with his knees brought up to his chest in a chair. I got ready to go to him, but I saw a nurse touch his shoulder and say something to him. Ohno’s eyes had a small hint of fear as he got up and followed the woman out the room.

Just then, Aiba came back and sat down next to me, snapping my attention away.

Hours later and we were in group therapy. What was it about these places that make them think it’s better to tell 15 people the worst day of your life? What makes them think it is that easy to open up? I sat on the couch with the pillow in my lap, listening to a girl talk about herself. Though, I couldn’t focus much since my mind was on Ohno.

I don’t know how long I had been daydreaming but it wasn’t until Aiba shoved me with his shoulder did I snap out of it. Everyone was looking at me with expectant eyes. ‘Fuck…it’s my turn.’ I scratched the back of my head and sighed. ‘Might as well get this over with, ’ I thought to myself.

“Hi, my name is Matsumoto Jun…I came here yesterday….” I trailed off when I caught a glimpse of Ohno entering the room.

“Can you please tell us why you are here?” I was asked.

“Not really.”

“Oh come on, lots of people have done it. It’s the first step on the road of recovery.”

I rolled my eyes wanting nothing more than to yell at her that it doesn’t help everyone. But instead I swallowed my words and decided to speak up.

“It’s the same story as everyone else’s, just with a different setting, different characters, different time. I tried to kill myself, just like everyone here. Only difference is why and I don’t feel comfortable saying it yet. It may not be as big as some are thinking, in fact it might make it seem like I’m dragging this out for attention or to make it dramatic. But that’s not the case; I just don’t like to talk about it.”

When I finished talking, I noticed the weird stares I usually get. I looked over at Aiba and he gave me a soft smile and a wink. My eyes drifted over to Ohno who was looking right back at me in awe.

I was happy that they decided to take my answer and move onto the next person, which luckily it was Aiba. He stood up and waved at everyone and immediately the tension in the room disappeared and smiles were appearing on everyone’s faces.

“I’m Aiba, I’m from Chiba, I’m 28 years old…um…my favorite color is green, um, um, um…” He kept going on like that which caused me to stifle a laugh. “I came here close to three months ago, on my own, cause I kept having horrible thoughts of killing myself.” He still said this with a smile which was very weird to me.

“Aiba-kun,” our counselor said. “How can you be so happy even after what you’ve just told us?” The question was resonating in everyone’s mind.

“Because…if I don’t smile about it, it’ll happen again. If I don’t smile then I’m as good as dead,” he said, his voice becoming a bit more serious. He looked over at me before continuing. “I don’t know why I wanted to kill myself, but I did. I came from a happy family, I got the attention I needed and then some. I had a wonderful boyfriend; I had friends, real ones and not the ones I just hung out with to party. I didn’t do drugs…well recreational ones at least and I was overall happy. But every morning I’d wake up and hurt myself.”

It was then did he remove his hoody and showed us the few scars he had on his arms. He then pulled his V-neck down and showed us the angry red slash across his chest.

“This was the last one I did before checking myself in here.” It was strange how the atmosphere change and I could tell Aiba didn’t like it. “But since I’m the veteran of this place I don’t feel as if I should hide anything.”

“Do you still do it?” a girl asked.

“Not the cutting,” Aiba admitted. “I do small things like tug my hair, pinch myself, but I mostly try to cry it out.” He bowed to our counselor as his way of apologizing for not telling her sooner. We ended our session with another patient before we were dismissed for the day. When I turned back to Ohno he was closing the sketchbook I saw him with earlier and left.

******


It had been three months since I’ve been here and I don’t know if I’m making any progress. I do the daily exercises, pills, therapy and group therapy and somehow I still feel the same. I was lying in bed when I heard a soft knock on my door. I got up and opened it, startled to see Ohno standing in front of me.

“Ca-can I come in,” he stuttered tearfully. I stepped aside, giving him some room to walk in. I looked out the hall to see if anyone was watching before closing the door.

“What’s wrong?” I was not only shocked that he was crying, but cause he chose to come here. We haven’t said a word to each other since the last time I talked to him.

“Can I stay here? Just for a few?” he asked wiping his eyes.

“Yeah…sure,” I sat him on my bed then sat on Aiba’s to keep our distance. Ohno continued to silently cry while I fiddled with the bed sheet next to me. I didn’t know what to do really. Especially when he’s part of the extreme cases. “Ohno-san?”

“I’ll be fine,” he said with a shaky voice.

“Please tell me. If you don’t, I think I might have to tell someone who can help.” The minute I said these words, it was as if I told him I was going to kill him.

“Don’t, please!” He got up and stood in front of me. A new batch of tears was running down his face. I wanted nothing more than to wipe his eyes, but I didn’t know how he’d react to my touch. Instead I handed him a handkerchief from my pocket.

“Can you tell me what happened?”

“They said I had a visitor,” his voice trembled. “But it was him.”

“Who?”

“The one who did this to me,” Ohno cried as he pulled up his shirt exposing the scars he carried on his sides, stomach, and the worst ones on his back. “Why did they bring him here?” the man collapsed on the floor in front of me. Quickly I got up and moved away to prevent the awkward position.

Ohno only cried harder before I succumbed, crouched down, and hugged him lightly. He turned his body and clung onto me, clinging on for dear life. We stayed like this until Aiba came back and stopped dead in his tracks mouthing if everything was okay. I nodded and pushed Ohno back slightly to have a look at him.

“Feeling better?”

He looked over at Aiba who was leaning against the wall behind me before getting up and leaving.

******


Ever since that day, I had been keeping a closer eye on Ohno, who was keeping an even closer eye on me. I was sitting in the lounge when Ohno plopped down next to me. “Hey…” I said looking at him. He simply opened his sketchbook and handed me a folded sheet of paper. When I opened it out, I saw a wonderful drawing he had done. It looked like a collection of random lines, but when I looked at it better I realized it was of me. The minute I noticed this he got and left.

Our encounters were very much like this for a few weeks. He’d come by and hand me a small drawing before leaving. Not once did he say anything, not even when I said something to him.

On my sixth month here, Ohno had been coming out of his room more frequently. He even started coming to the morning exercises to do more than sit and sketch. Though we were all shocked he was just as stiff as that other guy. Aiba laughed as pulled the man’s arms forward trying to help him stretch out better. Even though Ohno was saying ‘ow’ he carried a small smile.

After the exercises and everyone had cleared out the room, I stayed behind to put the mats away. I noticed Ohno was standing by the door, watching me. Granted it felt a bit weird that he was always keeping an eye on me, especially since he was the one that told me to stop staring at him when we first met, I couldn’t help but feel like I was making a difference in him.

“Want to help?” I asked him. As always I didn’t get an answer, but he padded over to me and helped me stack the mats up. “So did you draw anything new?”

“Mm,” he hummed. I smiled wondering what he drew this time. I’ve yet to see the contents in this sketchbook he holds dearly, even though the small drawings he makes for and of me were always folded and hidden in there. When we were done, he gently took hold of my ring and pinky finger before bringing me to his room.

I was beyond nervous about this, but thrilled. It was as if he was letting me in on a part of himself. I marveled at the collage he had on his walls. Large sheets of paper covered every inch of it and each had a different drawing on them. I felt like I was in a gallery as I walked by each piece. I laughed at the cute flipbook-like sketch he did of Aiba getting chased by a kangaroo.

When I turned back to him he held out his sketchbook. We stared at each other for a little while, as if we were telepathically telling each other its okay to look, before I opened it. The sketches weren’t like what he had on his walls. They were somber and painful. It was then did I realize he was telling me his story, how he came here.

Someone dear to him had done this. Hit him, marked him, and berated him until he was left as this shell. Tears welled up in my eyes the more I flipped through the book. Just when I was about to call it quits, I noticed a small change. Amidst the dark art, there was something peaceful, something soothing. I checked the date and realized it was the day I spoke up in group therapy. I flipped the pages and the tone of the artworks gradually started changing.

That was when the drawings of me started. A sad smile came across my face when read the text under each picture: Muse. I looked up at him and he bit his lip nervously. “Thank you,” he whispered softly. I shook my head modestly and handed the book back.

“Our stories really are the same,” I said after a brief moment of silence.

“What’s yours?” he asked in curiosity. It had been six months and I have yet to tell anyone. The counselors all knew already since they have my file, but I still never spoke of it.

“A lover turned into a monster,” I forced myself to say. “But his abuse was more emotional and mental than it was physical. I don’t have the scars to prove it like everyone else does. But like the rest the end product was the same; I wanted to die.”

“How did you do it?” Ohno whispered.

“Overdose.”

“Do you ever get the urge to do it again?” he asked me. I shook my head ‘no’ and asked him the same question. “Not since--” he stopped and bit his lip. I almost thought something bad happened until I noticed the small blush on his cheeks. “Not since…I met you,” he said slowly.

A smile came across my face at the revelation. ‘Fuck this is getting sappy really quick,’ I thought to myself. Ohno got up and walked towards me before placing his hand on the sleeve of my shirt. His fingers clenched the material, bunching it up underneath his stern grip. I looked down at him as he looked up at me. Slowly I leaned in, wondering briefly if this was the right and safe thing to do. I was answered in the form of Ohno tiptoeing and placing a kiss on my lips.

We stayed with our lips pressed together until there was a knock on his door.

******


I was happy that Ohno was getting better. Things had been improving for him dramatically. Every morning we decided to meet up by the staircase in between the 2nd and 3rd floor. This was where we shared our small moments, moments that only got better when we were in his room. We hadn’t slept together nor were we showing any signs of wanting to. We’d simply hold each other and talked about whatever came to mind. Aiba had noticed our small bouts of skinship causing him to give us knowing smiles a few times a day.

This morning I decided to go to his room. He of course was shocked I came to see him directly like this, but I don’t know why, I just wanted to see him immediately. I held him close, mentally marking how his cold nose rubbed against my neck as he snuggled against me. This morning was almost the best I ever felt being here, it was a shame it was taken away just as quickly as it started.

As Ohno and I laid in bed, we heard a huge commotion outside the door. I heard sneakers squeaking on the floor and shouts to hold someone down above the loud cries someone was making. When I opened the door and walked down the hall, I was shocked to see them restraining Aiba who was thrashing about, crying hysterically. Ohno stood behind me, clutching my shirt as everyone watched Aiba get taken away to get sedated.

It didn’t hit me until I saw that scene in front of me. I didn’t realize how much I needed to get out of here.

 
 
 
cry1babycry1baby on May 23rd, 2011 03:45 am (UTC)
spot being saved for percybum after she forced me to do so XDD
BeePants: Sakuraiba chupercybum on May 23rd, 2011 01:21 pm (UTC)
it wasn't forced ¬_¬" Lol ok so it was, Thanks!!!!! ♥

I really loved it! It's so sad though :(
Quick Jun-tan! Go help Aiba-chan!!!!!! (If Jun doesn't cheer him up, I'm gonna kill him myself ¬_¬" xD)
Thanks for sharing and all the hardwork and stress that went into this ;) ♥
(no subject) - cry1baby on May 23rd, 2011 02:25 pm (UTC) (Expand)
akemi59akemi59 on May 23rd, 2011 04:24 am (UTC)
arghh!!! cliffhanger!!!
now i'm really curious about aiba....
and what actually happen to three of our boy~

cry1babycry1baby on May 23rd, 2011 02:26 pm (UTC)
haha those dreaded things
mm, all will be explained in the next chapter^^
Limebruslimebrus on May 23rd, 2011 06:47 am (UTC)
What.. Aiba.. NO!
What is going on? D: damn it...
Anyways, this fic is very interesting! And it is not often people write Juntoshi, or at least I never find Juntoshi fics. I love Juntoshi!
I seriously love this, the plot is amazing. But I'm scared for the boys now.
Well, thank you for writing this!
cry1babycry1baby on May 23rd, 2011 02:28 pm (UTC)
Haha^^
Thanks hun, yeah i used to not like Juntoshi, but after the making of Hatenai Sora i actually saw how a couple like that can work lol. But thanks bb, the plot idea came to me when i woke one morning so i'm glad it worked out haha.
Thanks for reading it bb
nekochan_lianekochan_lia on May 23rd, 2011 06:54 am (UTC)
I really enjoy the story so far.. I love it that so many juntoshi lately. Will wait for the update. Thanks for sharing
cry1babycry1baby on May 23rd, 2011 02:29 pm (UTC)
thanks bb, mm i noticed that too when i posted this there were a lot up as well.
thanks for reading~
biela_lovebiela_love on May 23rd, 2011 09:09 am (UTC)
what happen to AIBA?????

cant wait for next

TQ
cry1babycry1baby on May 23rd, 2011 02:29 pm (UTC)
mm all will be explained in the next chapter haha
you welcome hun and thanks for reading
pirate_genesis: juntoshipirate_genesis on May 23rd, 2011 09:56 am (UTC)
This looks interesting!

Jun, Ohno and Aiba found each other in rehabilitation. Can't wait for the next chapter!
cry1babycry1baby on May 23rd, 2011 02:30 pm (UTC)
Thanks!
Mm, hope you enjoy the next one as well^^
Himitsu 17: ohnohimitsu_17 on May 23rd, 2011 11:00 am (UTC)
Wahoo! It's soo interesting!
*-* *-* *-* *-*

Thank you for sharing ♥
Can't wait to know more !

I'm happy with the Juntoshi relationship and how it works better ♥
It's so interesting!

I wonder what happened to Aiba O-o Gambatte Aiba ♥
cry1babycry1baby on May 23rd, 2011 02:32 pm (UTC)
thanks hun~
Hahah thank you ♥

Mm, slow development but it's still interesting, huh.
Mm the next chapter will explain it all ^^
borylovearashiborylovearashi on May 23rd, 2011 12:23 pm (UTC)
kyaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
Juntoshi *_* i love it so much it a bit sad but i love it thank you honey can't wait for more your the best thank you again
cry1babycry1baby on May 23rd, 2011 02:32 pm (UTC)
thanks~
thanks for reading^^
datz_20datz_20 on May 23rd, 2011 01:01 pm (UTC)
whaht happened to aiba???????
cry1babycry1baby on May 23rd, 2011 02:33 pm (UTC)
that'll be explained in the next chapter ^_~
showjuro: hand on earshowjuro on May 23rd, 2011 01:17 pm (UTC)
This is interesting. Also my first time reading a fic with this kind of setting.
I'm looking forward to the next part ^^
cry1babycry1baby on May 23rd, 2011 02:34 pm (UTC)
Thank you
yea its a first for me too, so i was worried it wouldnt come out right.
Mm, hope the next chapter fulfills things haha
mardhiyah_87: juntoshimardhiyah_87 on May 23rd, 2011 03:37 pm (UTC)
the setting was a place 4 people who tried to kill themselves only right?? not for insane people who will be dangerous to others, or am i wrong??

why juntoshi felt attached to each other?? what's wrong with Aiba?!!

i'm curious about their history, who has made them like that?!! =_=
sori so many questions :-)
can't wit for the next chapters n thanx.. ^_^
cry1babycry1baby on May 23rd, 2011 03:53 pm (UTC)
yes it's only a hospital for people who attempted suicide.

you can say it was the fact he was different from the rest that caused Jun to notice Ohno and visa versa, it isnt really spelled out for you, but it's up to your imagination.

Aiba on the other hand could have just had a psychological problem where he feels the need to hurt himself, again not spelled out for you, you can leave it to your imagination.

Haha it's okay to have questions, this fic really wasnt meant to just tell things up front, it'll give you a enough details and the rest is up to the reader [much like most psychological films]

Mm, hopefully the next chapter will answer your questions haha. ^_^
Momo: matsujunmongo_o_o on May 23rd, 2011 08:31 pm (UTC)
this is really something different, but i like it ^__^
and now i want to know what'll happen to aiba :o
cry1babycry1baby on May 23rd, 2011 08:59 pm (UTC)
i felt like i should challenge myself with a new field haha
mm, all those questions will be answered in the second part^^
b00kw0rm79b00kw0rm79 on May 24th, 2011 01:09 am (UTC)
What an interesting premise for a story.
It's kind of sad but it's also hopeful.
At least it was until Aiba was being dragged away in the end.
I cannot wait to read more.
cry1babycry1baby on May 24th, 2011 02:13 am (UTC)
Thanks^^.I was worried it wouldnt work out but it did haha
Mm, things'll be more explained in the next chapter.
dorayaki_chandorayaki_chan on May 24th, 2011 08:40 am (UTC)
what a glorious cliffy :) can,t wait to read your next chap
cry1babycry1baby on May 24th, 2011 12:37 pm (UTC)
Lol i misread glorious as goofy for two seconds xD. But thanks for reading~
momo_love96: Juntoshimomo_love96 on May 24th, 2011 02:22 pm (UTC)
awww :( I was really happy for the Juntoshi couplde <3 but then Aiba chan :( why? :( I hope you'll be alright :D by the way I totally adore this fic XD
cry1babycry1baby on May 24th, 2011 03:45 pm (UTC)
Thanks hun~
things'll get cleared out in the 2nd part^^